If you're considering EMDR therapy, you might be wondering how much you'll have to talk about your trauma. Do you need to describe everything that happened? Will your therapist ask you to tell the story over and over again? What if you struggle to put your feelings into words?
These are understandable concerns, especially if talking about painful experiences feels uncomfortable or overwhelming.
The good news is that EMDR therapy isn't about repeatedly telling the story of what happened to you. In fact, very little talking takes place during the reprocessing phase of EMDR. Instead, the focus is on what you're experiencing internally as your therapist guides you through the process.
At REM Therapy Services, we want clients to understand what to expect before beginning EMDR. Knowing that you don't have to explain every detail can make the process feel much less intimidating.
How Much Do You Talk During EMDR Therapy?
The amount of talking depends on which stage of EMDR you're in.
During the initial sessions, you'll generally talk more as your therapist learns about your history, understands your current struggles, and helps you develop treatment goals. This information helps guide your treatment plan and identify memories that may be appropriate to work on.
Once you begin EMDR reprocessing, however, the amount of talking changes significantly.
During reprocessing, your therapist will guide you to focus on a particular distressing memory while using bilateral stimulation (BLS). This might involve following a moving light with your eyes, listening to alternating audio beeps, or holding devices that provide alternating vibrations.
You'll complete short sets of bilateral stimulation, with brief check-ins between sets. During these check-ins, your therapist will ask what you're noticing.
You might share a thought, an image, an emotion, or a physical sensation. Your response can be as short as a couple of words or a single sentence.
You don't need to explain yourself, provide background information, or make sense of everything that comes up.
Why Is There So Little Talking During Reprocessing?
During EMDR, we're interested in helping you process distressing experiences rather than spending the session explaining them in detail.
One way I explain this is that we don't want to be too verbose during reprocessing because we're focusing on the part of your experience connected to sensing and feeling, rather than turning the session into a conversation.
When we spend too much time explaining, analyzing, or intellectualizing an experience, we can shift our attention away from what we're noticing internally.
This doesn't mean talking is bad or that understanding your experiences isn't important. Talking has an important role in therapy, particularly during the history-taking and treatment-planning stages. But during EMDR reprocessing, the goal is different.
You don't have to find the perfect words for your experience. You simply notice what comes up and briefly report it to your therapist.
Do I Have to Describe My Trauma in Detail?
No. You don't need to provide a detailed, step-by-step account of your traumatic experience for EMDR to take place.
However, there is an important distinction: your therapist needs to know that you can access the memory you're working on.
Accessing a memory means being able to bring some aspect of that experience to mind. For example, your therapist might ask you to identify a particular image associated with the memory.
This helps establish that you're connecting with the target you're working on, without requiring you to recount every detail of what happened.
You might be able to identify the image immediately, even if you don't feel comfortable talking about the full experience. That can be enough to begin the process of working with the memory, depending on your individual treatment plan.
What If I Don't Want to Say Certain Things Out Loud?
It's understandable that some experiences may feel difficult to talk about. You might feel embarrassed, ashamed, or worried about how your therapist will respond.
You can share as much or as little detail as you're comfortable with. Your therapist will need enough information to understand your treatment goals and help you access the memory appropriately, but that doesn't mean you must narrate everything that happened.
If you're concerned about discussing a particular experience, let your therapist know. You can talk about your concerns and work together to determine how to approach the memory.
You don't have to prove how painful an experience was by describing it in detail. The focus is on helping you process the distress associated with it, not on getting you to tell the story perfectly.
What Do I Say Between Sets of Bilateral Stimulation?
During EMDR reprocessing, your therapist will periodically pause the bilateral stimulation and ask what you're noticing.
There isn't a script you need to follow. You can share whatever comes to mind, including:
Images: Something you see in your mind's eye, such as a scene or picture connected to the memory.
Thoughts: A belief, a sentence, or a thought that suddenly comes up.
Emotions: Feelings such as sadness, anger, fear, or relief.
Body sensations: Tension, heaviness, tightness, or another physical sensation you notice.
For example, you might say, "I see mountains," "I feel angry," or "My chest feels tight."
That's enough. You don't need to explain why you feel angry, describe the room in detail, or give your therapist the full context behind your response.
Your therapist is interested in what you're noticing as the processing unfolds. A brief report helps them understand your experience and guide the next step.
What If Nothing Comes to Mind?
You don't need to force a response or come up with something to say just because your therapist has asked a question.
If you're unsure what you're noticing, you can say so. Your therapist can help you determine what to do next.
The important thing is to be honest about your experience rather than trying to provide an answer you think your therapist wants to hear.
Is There a Right or Wrong Way to Respond During EMDR?
No. There are no right or wrong answers when you're reporting what you notice during reprocessing.
Some clients describe images. Others notice emotions or physical sensations. Sometimes a thought comes up, and sometimes it's difficult to put the experience into words.
You might share several words in one check-in and only a brief response in the next.
You don't need to analyze your experience, make connections between memories, or explain why something came to mind. Your therapist will guide you through the process and help you work with what emerges.
If you're someone who tends to overthink, explain yourself, or worry about saying the wrong thing, this can take some getting used to. You may be accustomed to believing that you need to understand an experience before you can talk about it.
In EMDR, you can give yourself permission to simply notice what is happening without immediately trying to make sense of it.
What If I Become Emotional During EMDR?
Even though very little talking takes place during reprocessing, you may experience strong emotions.
Focusing on a distressing memory can bring up sadness, fear, anger, or other feelings. You might also notice physical sensations associated with the experience.
You don't need to explain every emotion as it happens. You can briefly report what you're feeling, and your therapist will help guide the process.
If you become overwhelmed, it's important to let your therapist know. They can pause the bilateral stimulation, help you ground yourself, and support you in returning your attention to the present moment.
At REM Therapy Services, preparation is an important part of EMDR. Before reprocessing begins, we work with clients to develop grounding strategies they can use when difficult emotions arise.
The goal isn't to push through distress at all costs. Your therapist should be monitoring how you're responding and helping you navigate the process appropriately.
You also remain in control of what you share. If something feels too difficult to discuss, you can communicate that to your therapist so you can work together on how to proceed.
Is EMDR Right for Me If I Find Talking About Trauma Difficult?
If you've been avoiding therapy because you don't want to repeatedly describe painful experiences, EMDR may be worth exploring.
Unlike approaches that rely heavily on talking through an experience, EMDR reprocessing involves focusing on a specific memory while using bilateral stimulation and briefly reporting what you notice.
You don't need to tell the entire story over and over again. You don't need to explain every thought or feeling. And you don't need to find the perfect words to describe your experience.
That said, EMDR still involves communication with your therapist, particularly during the initial history-taking, treatment planning, and preparation stages. Your therapist needs to understand your goals, identify appropriate treatment targets, and assess your readiness for reprocessing.
EMDR is also not a one-size-fits-all approach. Your EMDR therapist can help you explore whether it's appropriate for your circumstances and determine how to proceed at a pace that takes your needs into account.
Explore EMDR Therapy at REM Therapy Services
At REM Therapy Services, we offer EMDR therapy through traditional hourly sessions and intensive programs lasting one to three full days. We provide in-person therapy at our Markham office and online therapy across Ontario.
If you're curious about EMDR but feel nervous about talking through painful experiences, you don't have to figure everything out before reaching out. A consultation with one of our EMDR therapists is an opportunity to ask questions, discuss your concerns, and learn more about what the process involves.
EMDR isn't about repeatedly telling the story of what happened to you. It's about working with distressing memories in a structured therapeutic process, with a therapist guiding you along the way.
If you'd like to learn whether EMDR could be a good fit for you, contact REM Therapy Services to book a free consultation call.
